"Why Does He Do That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft
I have never seen the Neutrality Fallacy explained so succinctly before.
"We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." - Elie Wiesel
"To him, that means you see the couple’s problems as partly her fault and partly his fault, which means it isn’t abuse"
I think this accurate sums up all the false equivalence arguments and “both sides are bad” deflections both on a personal interaction level and larger social violence level.
The endless investment in finding “something” wrong about the victim is a deflection to rationalized why this abuse or harm or murder isn’t just that - but instead a form of “self defense”.